So I am always on the lookout for absurd headlines and actually I have a ridiculous amount of them stored up so here are a bunch of headlines, bylines and commentary. In a world where news would rather be entertainment, this really isn't very hard but hey, at least its entertaining.
Anti-Kidnapping Expert From U.S. Kidnapped in Mexico
A well-known U.S. anti-kidnapping expert has fallen victim to Mexico's wave of abductions as unidentified assailants snatched him from a street in the northern city of Saltillo, one of his employers said. [
Link]
Sometimes irony is just so sweet you can forget that there was kidnapping involved.
Mom Accused of Selling Newborns for Cosmetic SurgeryA mother in the Belgian tourist haven of Ghent has been accused by her estranged husband of selling her newborn twin boys for more than $13,000 to pay for cosmetic surgery. [
Link]
That sounds like an even trade to me. Yet another reminder that humanity is not going down the drain, it did that a long long time ago.
Actor Portraying Suicide Slits Own Throat in Prop Mix-UpAn actor portraying a suicide bid in an Austrian play accidentally slashed his own throat on-stage following a prop mix-up. [
Link]
I feel like this is something I would make sure to check before the show. And yet another reason why actors are not to be trusted. (sorry that was an actor-techie joke)
Teen Auctions Virginity to Pay for School, Meet HusbandA teenager is selling her virginity online to pay her college tuition — but she has a long way to go before reaching her target of $73,000. [
Link]
Remember what I just said about humanity, just change that to going to hell in a hand basket. And go figure the girl was Romanian, typical. Oh and dont be deceived she was hoping to meet a husband, not she actually did meet her husband. I would pick a better strategy next time.
Police Machine Gun Sent to Grandma in Postal Mix-UpA grandmother in Britain has told of her terror at opening a parcel she had been expecting - only to find she had been sent a police machine gun. [
Link]
Okay first of all, coolest thing ever. Secondly, since when do policemen send their machine guns through the mail? Wait a second, since when did policemen use machine guns? Dont break the law in Brittain, automatic fire is what you will get.
This has been a continuation of the Not Fit for Print series featuring absurd headlines from our trusted news sources.