This is a continuation of my Status Update:stalkerNET series where we take a look at the absurdity that people's status updates.
[female] is very excited for tonight :)
Thats what she said? ... maybe, no ... alright then
[female] is i did not poke everyone, sorry. thank youuuu
Something about this makes me think that you in fact did poke everyone ... and for those not so familiar with facebook this just sounds wrong
[male] is liking weiner in and around his mouth...
I believe this is from a movie but again, you might run the risk of being misunderstood.
[female] misses the bunnies.
I mean whatever floats your boat I guess.
[male] thinks she is ready to go off the pill.
This would be strange enough if it was a girl saying it but a guy saying it about another girl? I would have some questions about that.
[female] is mother's day was invented because the govt felt bad about abolishing child labor laws.
You people astound me sometimes. Happy Mother's day I guess.
[female] THERE IS A PEACOCK ON MY ROOF. no im not kidding.
"I'm speechless" - Whats that from quick ... celebrity jeopardy you say? Looks like we have a winner. But all seriousness aside, you really shouldn't kid about these things.
[male] has a habbit of falling for Lesbians.
Uh huh, this is one of those things you dont say out loud, or post where all your friends are sure to see it.
And for your viewing pleasure this is a screen shot of an unnamed persons mini-feed ... that is quite a day you have going there buddy, I feel for you. For maximum effect, start reading from the bottom as that is how the chronology works with these things.
Lets all Status
Status Update: stalkerNet
So I published my Silly Facebook article today and already I have a whole new post of interesting status updates. Its seems I have found a way for people to write my blogs for me. Just like Post Secret. So I'll hold off publishing this for a few days but seriously guys, this is pathetic. It looks like this is going to be an ongoing thing so until I can think of a better name for the you can find this series under Status Update: stalkerNet.
[male] write me a essay for a half zip of shroom.
Usually not good to talk about your drug habits online. I mean you know future employees, the cops in Sweden ... your mom (there are so many mom's on facebook these days its insane).
[female] is i flushed my fish down the toilet today as a f__k you to biology.
I feel PETA might have something to say about this one.
[female] knows gerbil now has a free life.
Seems to have a flair of the one above it. Whats with all the dead pets?
[male] is gayer than ever before.
Now I know this guy is not gay but you know how facebook is. I'm friends with my dead cats first owner (not really) but someone might get the wrong impression. Especially those creepy "I'm just looking for a friend" people.
[female] is screwed.
Short, sweet, and too the point.
[male] is aging.
A very true statement, just rather odd to find on facebook, from an 18 year old.
[female] is very sore.
Couldn't resist ... I mean how can you blame me. So everybody together now: "that's what she said." (go up two updates and repeat)
Be sure to check out the rest of the series.
Silly Facebook
Facebook is a wonderful tool ... it gives me endless hours of entertainment auto-stalking people. Just kidding, but seriously. People love facebook and facebook loves, well, faces I suppose. But it does have its dark side just like anything else. I've never quite understood the concept behind sharing your blackmail with everyone ... seems rather counter procuctive if you ask me but people do it more often than not so I just sit back and chuckle. So the other day I saw a rather disturbing facebook status (not listed here, it was the morning after prom ... you figure it out) so I decided to save some of my favorites and post them once I had a few. This might be happening again in the future. Now I've taken out the names since people still have the illusion of privacy.
[female] "When life gives you lemons, just say 'F**k the lemons,' and bail."
I tend to be more of a fan of lemonade but I do enjoy the mix and match zen art that seems to pop up every once in a while.
[male] guttin fat hos.
Not really sure what to say about this one other than the kid is from California.
[female] is one tree hill:)
Now that you are no longer required to put the "is" I find it amusing when people refer to themselves as inanimate objects.
[female] is digging to china with [male]. he really keeps me going. in bed.
Inside jokes are usually only funy to those on the inside ... but when they are so off the wall that people mistake you for an Italian conman well lets just say they've gone too far.
[male] is globel warming and all the trees are dying is such a hoax. i laugh when ppl put their trust in the media. if u want 2 kno why it is, message me.
This kids about to get owned. Now I tend to share his sentimants in a more plutonic sence ... I just like how both sides blame the media for being on the other side.
[female] hates [female] and [male] because all they do is do it in the butthole during free period and leave me all by myself becuase i have no other friends.
Says a lot about you I'm afriad ... again with the inside jokes gone wrong.