Not Fit for Print Roundup

This Edition of Not Fit for Print is going to look a little bit different. While I have taken a break from blogging for the last couple of months, I have not taken a break from filling my "to blog" folder with interesting tidbits. So I thought I would group several funny news stories together where the title really does say it all.

Man Nearly Dies After Lover Carves Heart on His Chest

A Canadian woman has pleaded guilty to stabbing her boyfriend, nearly killing him, in a botched sex game in which he asked her to carve a heart-shaped symbol on his chest. [Link]

I believe botched is an understatement or someone doesn't understand the meaning of the word game.

Rescue Planned for Woman Trapped by Giant Pig

A huge pig called Bruce has trapped a terrified woman in her home in Australia. [Link]

Why would Bruce do such a thing???

OMG, 007! British Spy Agency Recruiting on Facebook

Britain's MI6 foreign intelligence service confirms it's running recruitment ads on Facebook. [Link]

Are you sure its not a middle aged man posing as someone else ... or wait, that might be his job in this particular case.

Pony Falls Into Pool After Getting Drunk on Rotten Apples

A horse in England wandered into a swimming pool after getting drunk on fermented apples Tuesday, the Daily Mail reports. [Link]

I'm gonna have to stop you there sir. No more Apples for you, oh and let me have that saddle, your not ridding home like that.

Snake on a Plane Gives Cabin Crew the Slip

An Air India flight turned into a real-live take on Samuel L. Jackson’s 'Snakes on a Plane,' when a slithery stowaway was spotted under a seat, according to a report from Agence France-Presse. [Link]

Somebody's got to get these motherF#%$ing snakes of this motherF#%$ing plane.

This has been a continuation of the Not Fit for Print series featuring absurd headlines from our trusted news sources.