They Just Keep Printing ... Crap

So I am always on the lookout for absurd headlines and actually I have a ridiculous amount of them stored up so here are a bunch of headlines, bylines and commentary. In a world where news would rather be entertainment, this really isn't very hard but hey, at least its entertaining.

Anti-Kidnapping Expert From U.S. Kidnapped in Mexico

A well-known U.S. anti-kidnapping expert has fallen victim to Mexico's wave of abductions as unidentified assailants snatched him from a street in the northern city of Saltillo, one of his employers said. [Link]
Sometimes irony is just so sweet you can forget that there was kidnapping involved.

Mom Accused of Selling Newborns for Cosmetic Surgery
A mother in the Belgian tourist haven of Ghent has been accused by her estranged husband of selling her newborn twin boys for more than $13,000 to pay for cosmetic surgery. [Link]
That sounds like an even trade to me. Yet another reminder that humanity is not going down the drain, it did that a long long time ago.

Actor Portraying Suicide Slits Own Throat in Prop Mix-Up

An actor portraying a suicide bid in an Austrian play accidentally slashed his own throat on-stage following a prop mix-up. [Link]
I feel like this is something I would make sure to check before the show. And yet another reason why actors are not to be trusted. (sorry that was an actor-techie joke)

Teen Auctions Virginity to Pay for School, Meet Husband

A teenager is selling her virginity online to pay her college tuition — but she has a long way to go before reaching her target of $73,000. [Link]
Remember what I just said about humanity, just change that to going to hell in a hand basket. And go figure the girl was Romanian, typical. Oh and dont be deceived she was hoping to meet a husband, not she actually did meet her husband. I would pick a better strategy next time.

Police Machine Gun Sent to Grandma in Postal Mix-Up

A grandmother in Britain has told of her terror at opening a parcel she had been expecting - only to find she had been sent a police machine gun. [Link]
Okay first of all, coolest thing ever. Secondly, since when do policemen send their machine guns through the mail? Wait a second, since when did policemen use machine guns? Dont break the law in Brittain, automatic fire is what you will get.

This has been a continuation of the Not Fit for Print series featuring absurd headlines from our trusted news sources.